I keep dreaming about you…

I was just listening to this album the other day, ‘Dwight Spitz’ by Count Bass D.  Forget this youtube nonsense, go out and get it.  Not only does it have the solid production and nice rhymes, but then the humble magnificent, Edan, MF DOOM, and I think Dwight’s whole family make appearances on the record.  Then when the Count chops up that Jeru sample in Aural S(Ect)s, it really got me thinking that death really does come in threes.

After I finished up my last batch of chemo and continued down that long painful road of physical therapy, I was happy because I knew I made it through the shit.  Then my dad decided to leave the family, and my brother was tackled outside of our house by police to be taken away to some wilderness therapy.  Then my aunt died, and although I wasn’t real close to her, she was still a part of the family… and she died of cancer.  Within a few more months or so, the only Grandma I ever knew died from cancer after holding on so much longer than anyone thought was possible… I think she just wanted to make it through Christmas.  I’m not sure if that’s actually the order everything happened, but it was all around the same time… and those were my high school years.

After getting by with a little help from my friends, and maybe too much self medication, I got to college.  I stayed in Maryland, and I’m not sure why, all I wanted to do was leave.  It was good I guess to be close to family and friends, and I was lucky enough to take my mom’s advice and study abroad and travel around Europe.  I still had no idea what I actually wanted to do, but who does.  Then after graduation, my mom died that following Halloween, her favorite holiday, after battling cancer for many years.

Damn.  That’s when the stock market was collapsing too back in ’08… it seemed like everyone was going through some depression.  So I booked it across the country and ended up in Portland, OR.  Grew a lot of beard, and drank a lot of beer.  I just wanted to get away from everyone I knew.  Community radio, KBOO.fm, really helped me find my voice again.  It felt like therapy getting music out to people, and it also felt like a dream being able host radio shows along side the DJ’s I really looked up too.  I even got to preform at a benefit for the station with the one and only Slim Kid Tre from The Pharcyde.  Even though I bombed it because I was so nervous and never wanted to be up in front of a crowd… I think maybe 10 people showed up… it was still a dream come true.

Whatever the case, depression ensued, couldn’t find the girl I was hoping was out there… and wound up coming back home.  I felt like a broken person, but fuck it, at least I went out there and did something.  I’m also grateful that I still had a home to come back to, as painful as it might have been.

So for the family I lost, the family I made on the other side of the country at the edge of sanity, and the family that I still have… this song’s for you.

…and because I’m lame, and like to make connections between my posts… here’s another one of my favorite music videos.  Produced by the late J Dilla, flipping a Beastie Boys sample, with Slim Kid Tre and The Pharcyde tearing it up… damn that’s a dope song.  Then the video makes it that much doper.  I always though about what it would be like to turn back the hands of time… then a video like this comes along where they completely flip the concept of time.  So don’t let the beat, ummmmmm drop, and play this video.

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